Siblings as best friends…. really? You see and hear about sibling rivalry in movies, books, and television shows. But is it really that bad? If you have more than one child are you guaranteed to have children that can’t stand the sight of each other?
Our oldest two children are sixteen months apart. Life doesn’t exist without the other, or at least they don’t remember it any other way. As preschoolers they were so close that they refused to sleep in separate rooms and would play together regardless of the fence between them at the daycare playground. I actually sought professional counseling because I was worried they were too dependent on each other!
A few years later the children were off together at public school. Our son was in kindergarten and our daughter in prekindergarten. At first I didn’t notice anything different, but by the time they were finishing up first and second grade, they weren’t the same two kids.
It started small I guess. Just a few minor teases here and there. And then it was arguments because one wouldn’t say “hello” to the other in front of their friends, or one wouldn’t sit with the other during lunch. Our son liked to walk his little sister to class in the mornings from the bus but she stopped allowing him. We thought maybe she was just gaining more independence, but their relationship began to dwindle more and more. Their issue escalated into physical fighting and arguing at school, on the bus, and at home. We didn’t know what to do but we knew we had to do something….
After months of thought and discussion, we decided to begin homeschooling our children for a variety of reasons… this being one of them. When we started this journey three years ago, we weren’t sure what to expect. One of our favorite phrases has become “If you can’t treat your siblings with love and respect, why should I send you out into the world to treat other people’s children the same?”
Pulling our children back into our home has rekindled all of the sibling relationships. They text on their Nintendo DSi’s from room to room when they are separated. They argue over who gets to sit together in the car, not who has to sit together. They are back to sleeping in the same room. (Our girls will sleep on the bottom bunk and our oldest son will sleep up top. I wonder why we bother with separate rooms.) They are best friends again.
If you ask our children who their best friend is, I am sure they will give you many names of children they adore outside of our home. However, I know my heart as they grow they too will see who their true best friends are.
Keep it up! Our children are only with us for a short time and you will not regret the extra time you were able to have with them. You are so right to believe your immediate family relationship is the most important!
awww I remember those days all too well. Me and my sister were not too close within school boundaries but at home totally different story. I'm on the fence about home schooling but I say if the children are happy and healthy thats really all that matters.
I am a new follower on gfc from http://linkiescontestlinkies.blogspot.com
Have a great day
kevin
I loved this article Victoria.
My children are best friends. They have an amazing bond with each other and with us.
I know if they were in public school it wouldn't be that way. I've realized that a lot of public school kids are 'ageist' too. They only play with children their own age yet my children love and adore each other (most days) and love to play with other children of all ages.
My son and daughter, who are three years apart in age and have always been homeschooled, are very good friends. Much of that comes from homeschooling but also in family style, I think. Their paternal grandparents worry and wish that we would encourage them to compete with each other. They think it's abnormal that they don't fight. It's not like they never have disagreements, but overall they're friends and I think that's healthy, not worrisome.
I am very pleased to see all of the wonderful comments on this posting.
Margaret: Thank you for the words of encouragement
Kevin two questions for you to ponder: Will you ever regret spending time with your children while homeschooling? When they are grown, will you ever regret the time you missed by not?
Mandie: I'm glad you enjoyed the article. I am still working on the "ageist" issue with my older two, but my youngest daughter is oblivious to age in selecting her favorite playmates. (May be a good topic for another edition of "Why we homeschool")
Pia: I am sorry that they think it is abnormal to not fight or compete against each other… Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job promoting a healthy relationship between your children. =)
I loved this article and it is so true! I have four boys ( twins that are about to turn 9, a 7 year old, and an almost 4 year old) who will tell you that their best friend is their brothers. The twins are different but love each other’s company so much they never want to have their own room.
The 7 year old and almost 4 year old claim they are twins and are inseparable too.
That is why I can’t stand when people that only believe in ” b & m” schooling say homeschooled kids aren’t social. My kids are very social because they learned to be that way at an early age.
Great article!
Great article and it is so true! I don’t homeschool, mostly because I’m afraid I wouldn’t do a good job, but I COMPLETELY admire those who do! Sibling bonding is one of the major PROs for why I may eventually overcome my fears and foray in the homeschooling adventure. I tell my boys all the time, friends come and go but siblings are FOREVER!
Pingback: Who kills children?